Christmas

Someone has been stealing packages in Sister No. 2’s building lately. She lives in a small multiplex, about 9 condos in a two story building in San Francisco. The condo association is small enough that it couldn’t be any of the residents furtively stealing packages from their neighbors. In fact, one resident recently put up a notice on the association board, warning others that her Christmas package had gotten stolen and for others to beware.

So, I recently sent my Christmas present to Sister No. 2. Because I was super cheap, I sent it without insuring or certifying the package. And because I was super super cheap, I sent it the slowest rate possible, parcel post. Two weeks later, I called Sister No. 2.

“Have you gotten my package yet? I sent it out like 2 weeks ago.” I asked.

“No,” she said, sounding worried. “I think someone stole it.”

“Oh no, really?!!” This worried me—I had put a lot of care and thought into that Christmas present, including a re-gifted gift certificate to Banana Republic. “It’s in a plain cardboard amazon.com box.”

“I haven’t seen anything like that.” She sighed. “Well, that’s that. It’s stolen.” she said, with an air of defeated finality.

“Well, let’s give it another week before we assume it’s lost.” She agreed and I didn’t hear from her again until I got a call several days later.

“I got the package,” she was slightly breathless, as though she had run up the stairs and just dialed my number. “But I think someone stole my box, took out what they wanted, and replaced it with things they didn’t want!” There was a note of urgency in her voice. “They probably thought it contained stuff from amazon.com and when they realized it didn't have any amazon stuff in there, brought the box back with all the stuff they didn’t want! Quick, tell me what you sent!”

“Well,” I said slowly, thinking this theory sounded a little bizarre. “I sent you a pashmina shawl, rosebud tea, a book, and a gift certificate (conveniently leaving out the fact that it was re-gifted) to Banana Republic. What was in the box?”

Complete silence ensued on the other end. Finally, she said, “I guess they didn’t steal it.” Another pause. “Thanks for the Christmas present.” Click.