Convos

I got really excited one night when I checked my site meter, which I finally figured out how to download. The world map site meter showed a new visitor to my site from the middle of America. Who could that be? I wondered aloud. This was way too exciting.

The (ex)-BF comes up behind me and goes, "That's probably just someone beating on the computer with a fork."

"I resent that," I said and shooed him. "By the way, I thought up a new name for my two future dogs."

"Oh yeah? What?"

"Well, I'm going to get a ShihTzu and name it Bonky and a Pug and name it Pugsly. Bonky and Pugsly. They'll be best friends."

"Why don't you name the Shih Tzu 'Shitzy?'"

Not funny.

Feeling disenchanted, I called Sister Number One after gorging on pizza and flopping onto the couch. "I just ate a ton of pizza tonight. I'm totally beached on the couch."

"What do you mean 'beached?'"

"I mean, beached like a whale. You know, like how whales beach."

"Well, wouldn't it be whaling on the couch, then?"

"No, because whales beach on the beach. I'm beached on the couch. Don't you know about whales beaching?"

"Yeah, they lie on the beach."

"Right. So I'm beached."

"Oh." Pause.

"Are you going to use this for your blog?"

"No way. It's too stupid."

But I'm out of material.

Dry cleaning

Okay, I just returned from Bulgaria last month, where I accidentally drycleaned my underwear. I dropped off this super tiny load of laundry at the hotel--like a seriously small load--about 7 panties, 3 pants and 4 blouses. I get the laundry bill, and it's $47. So, I'm totally freaking out, trying to figure out how a spoonful of tide and tub of water can be so expensive. So, the other day, I'm cleaning out my suitcase and come across the bill and it says "DRY CLEANING' at the top. oops. I guess that explains why all my underwear came back on hangers in plastic bags.

Blog names

Tonight I called Sister Number One to talk blog. Conversation was as follows:

"What do you want your blog name to be? I'm going to write about you in my blog," I said.

"Hmm. How about Euni?"

"Not unique enough. How about Eukanuba?"

"That's CAT FOOD."

"Well, you think of something. Hey, how about Corn Dog?"

"I don't want to be a Corn Dog. I want to be something healthy. How about VeganWannaBe?"

"How about Pseudo-Vegetarian?" (Sister Number One is a self-proclaimed vegetarian who still eats fish).

"No. What about Chocolate Chip Cookie?" Pause. "I want a cookie."

"Cookies aren't healthy. What about Moon Pie? Have you ever had one of those?"

Steady munching ensues on the other end. "Why do I need a fake blog name if your picture is already on the blog? Everybody already knows who you are."

Oh. Good point.

The IKEA story

Due to popular demand, the IKEA story is now being posted.

So, I go to IKEA the other night to buy laminate flooring for my new place. I end up getting 21 boxes or like 700 pounds of this stuff. So, I load it onto the cart and start heading down the escalator ramp- it's that smooth escalator ramp where you basically step on it, stand there with your cart, while it elegantly carries you all the way down to the ground level, where you gracefully step off? Okay, so I get on this thing with this 700 pound loaded cart full of wood, and before I know it, the thing starts to ROLL DOWN THE RAMP. Not some little jaunt, but seriously hurtling toward innocent and unknowing bystanders in front of me. I dig in my heels but my Keds are totally skidding with the thing not unlike a musher and runaway bobsled.
So I start to yell at the top of my lungs, "WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT! WATCHOUT!" And of course, no one hears me, so I have to scream even louder. Then, they all look up and see this crazy haired, wild-eyed insane Asian girl flying at them with 700 pounds of wood. I actually heard someone scream, "Mom! Get out of the way!"

And you know what the best part of it is? The next night I had to go back to IKEA and get more.

Lunch

So, this morning we come into work and discover that there is no room in the fridge for our lunches because of all the old lunches sitting in there dating back like an entire year. Seriously, the fridge is jam packed with old lunches that we can even see are moldy, because no one bothers to clean their stuff out and interns leave, etc. So, Anne and I decide to clean out this fridge and are totally complaining about the people who leave their lunches in there. I open up this really, really old burrito from Chipotle and go "Gross! Look at this disgusting burrito! It's SO old." Then I looked closer at it, and go, "Hey, this is MY burrito!" and then Anne pulled out this Tupperware container full of old mushroom orzo from 3 months ago, and I go, "That's mine! I've been looking for that Tupperware container for weeks!" Then, I found an old Asian pear that was mine from last summer (I know because I'm the only person who eats them). Then, my coworker Anne pulled out this old moldy sandwich with this old cottage cheese and she was totally disgusted, so I couldn't tell her that that was mine, too. I also found some raspberries that were mine from last week, but they weren't moldy yet, so I'm not counting them.

Hola! C'est moi!